I have so much to write, but so little time. Forgive me if this become a strange, unstructured ramble. It doesn’t matter. I just want to share these thoughts in the hope it may help somebody somewhere to come home to God.
Since the 27th June 2019, I have changed immeasurably. Please read what happened on that date here.
Looking back at my early blog entries it strikes me that there was an arrogance in my attitude towards the Church and Christianity. That arrogance has gone. I had a slight feeling of superiority because I have experienced mystical phenomena such as out-of-body-experiences and pre-cognition and assumed that this was beyond the level of comprehension of Christianity.
But now I am humbled.
I’m currently reading (slowly!) Interior Castle by St Teresa of Avila and have been pretty amazed by finding that I have been mostly wandering about in the outermost mansion for most of my spiritual explorations. It’s also comforting that in St Teresa I have a guide and companion in my spiritual life.
Actually, I think I’ve had the best spiritual companion all along. Here is a clipping from mediation journal from 2010:
For years, I wondered about this. It was received at a time when I was still quite hostile towards Christianity. A few days ago whilst listening to one of the later lectures in Derek Prince’s life-changing “Laying the Foundation” series, he explains that in the book of Revelation Jesus is referred to as The Lion of the tribe of Judah.
How could I have had this experience and still resisted accepting Jesus Christ as my saviour?! How foolish I have been.
Looking back, I can see that I had an issue with thought of giving myself to Jesus: it felt like I wanted to keep at least 50% of myself for me, if that makes sense? But the truth is, here on the other side of being delivered and freed from the entity / entities that had been overshadowing me for as long as I can remember, I can assure you that in giving yourself totally to Jesus Christ, you lose nothing of value but gain something priceless.
You have no idea what it feels like to be able to move around in the world with freedom and joy, having been released from the feelings of shame and inferiority that had weighed down upon me and had even begun to break down my physical health.
Praise and glory to God!
But this brings me on to the Church (at least Anglican Church) and something I really need to share.
As you can see from the above, the experiences that have led me back to Jesus have been supernatural. Christianity is supernatural in EVERY respect. But the Anglican Church does not adequately convey this and this is a travesty.
Having just been reading Acts 19, it appears this has been a problem since the earliest days of the Church:
Paul in Ephesus
19 While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples 2 and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when[a] you believed?”
They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.”
3 So Paul asked, “Then what baptism did you receive?”
“John’s baptism,” they replied.
4 Paul said, “John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus.” 5 On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6 When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues[b] and prophesied. 7 There were about twelve men in all.Acts 19 New International Version (NIV)
In our Church, we don’t lay on hands. We don’t verify that we’ve each received the Holy Spirit. We don’t speak in tongues. We don’t heal the sick.
We do lots of good things – lots of nice community things, but are we apostles?
My life’s work is to be a true apostle.
Anyhow, how did I get over the resistance to Jesus? How did I get to the point where deliverance could happen? Quite simply, I filled myself with praise for Him. As far as possible, I banned anything from entering my eyes or ears that wasn’t Christ-focused. Every commute would be spent listening to Derek Prince or Christian music. The Chirstian music particularly helped, as I would find myself singing these songs or hearing the melodies constantly throughout the day, until every day has pretty much become a rolling prayer.
When you fill yourself with light, it begins to force the darkness out.
These are the songs that work me in a very powerful way:
The next step for me is to research where I can receive a baptism in the name of Jesus, followed by receiving the Holy Spirit. I pray that this will happen by direct transmission from God through a mystical experience, but I concede that it may be beneficial to do this by connecting with other like-minded Christians who share my mindset.
Wherever you may be on your journey of faith, may God’s love and miracles work upon you and through you, through the Holy Spirit. This I ask in the name of Jesus Christ.